When You're Pissed at God.

I realize that some of you may not like the word "pissed," but I don't think mad or angry really describes what I felt a week ago. A week ago, I learned that the five beautiful children who had been in the care of Breaking Chains (The homeless ministry in Honduras Michael works with) were removed from their custody and put in the care of IHNFA (Honduran CPS). Four of these kids were in Michael's care for the last two months. You can read the details from her post: Searching for God.

It's moments like this I struggle with God. I cry out. I cry out at the injustice, the injustice of children being removed from a home where they were loved and opportunities to thrive for a better life. To be candid, I yell out. I yell out in my pain, my loss of knowing these kids, who I plan to have a future role with, are in a difficult, confusing, scary situation. 

I hear the words that "God is in control." Yet the injustice of it all doesn't sit right with me. I feel like the writer in Psalms 88. Or maybe the story of Job is more fitting, which brings up a whole lot of other uncomfortable theology with God betting on the faithfulness of Job. But there is something that does bring me some comfort. 

Job who has experienced so much has his friends try to comfort him and cries out in his own way. Then God answers: Job 38-40:5. When I read this poetic angry answer from God calling Job out; I stop. I get this scary peace if that makes any sense. The words "Shall the faultfinder contend with the Almighty" rings in my ears. And I do as Job, I spoke once and now I will shut my mouth. I will trust, I will persist.

God challenges Job and then Job says "I know that you can do all things, and no purpose of yours can be thwarted." Maybe this is where I get the most peace. To know that this may be one ugly, long, painful process, but not to sound cliche; things are in God's hands. And he is close to the brokenhearted. And in that uncomfortable, helpless position I wait and pray, and Michael waits and shows up to visiting hours over and over to be rejected repeatedly. But in this place close to God, we pray, fight and wait.